A Blogging Dilemma: When Should I Brush My Teeth?

Not to sound crass or anything, but when you work from home, it becomes increasingly harder to figure out a schedule for personal hygiene. Sure, I’ve been up since 9 (okay, today was 11, but that’s because my body needed the rest!) but I still haven’t gotten out of bed yet. Which isn’t to say I haven’t been productive.

My Schedule

9 a.m.-11: Get up, write a bunch of stuff that I cull from the vast resources of the Internet. Spell 90% of things wrong because there is nobody to bring me coffee and I refuse to get out of bed until I’ve filled an unrealistic, self-made quota of items. Start the day off with a fatalism and self-loathing. Also, still sleepy.

11 a.m.-2: Go to the bathroom, but only because I really have to pee. Bring computer in with me so I can recheck Facebook status updates and see if my friend from middle school is having fun being a PR exec for a liquor company. Gee, that sure sounds like fun…probably sucks though. Heat up some old pasta, get sick of waiting for the microwave to nuke and eat it half cold. Consider brushing my teeth but figure, day is half over anyway. Will brush once I smoke a cigarette. Get back in bed and blog some more.

2 p.m.-5: The computer equivalent of “runner’s high” kicks in and I am in the zone. I can write about anything! I am so funny! I am so prolific! Who needs Ritalin when they’ve got Drew Grant?!!? Who cares if that doesn’t make any sense or that I just wrote that “Anne” Wintour is the head of Vanity Fair??

5:00 pm: I notice I’ve been grinding my jaw for the last four hours. Jittery and irritable. Roommates and boyfriend come home. Sudden, inexplicable urge to leave house because “This might be where YOU guys get to relax, but for me it’s my WORK SPACE!” Wonder if the urban legend about dipping a tampon in grain alcohol actually works.

5 p.m.-3 a.m.: ???????

3:00 a.m.: Wake up confused, in some weird place that smells like downwind of Greenpoint. Reach over and find I still brought my trusty laptop, no one has stolen it yet. Thank god. Write morning articles, schedule them for 9 a.m. so it looks like I was up that early the next day. Want to brush my teeth, but can’t figure out where the bathroom is. Fall back asleep until 11 the next day.

Rinse, repeat.